Journal Reflection

Journal Reflection

            I still remember feeling distressed when the professor discussed how I would be required to keep up a journal. Personally, I have never been fond of the idea of writing down my thoughts, solely because I have a strong tendency to overthink every comma, period and syllable. I focus all my energy in respecting a guideline, avoiding taboos, and keeping my thoughts as organized and concise as possible rather than allowing my mind to be, for a slight second, unrestrained. As I type down this final entry, I realize that overcoming my inherent need to be under control, as well as the predisposition to behave and act within the boundaries of a deep-rooted comfort zone, were the greatest challenges of this project.

            Although breaking free from the confinement of overthinking is a feasible task, the path towards such partition is an arduous battle. However, I already knew this truth before embarking on this journey; what I did not know, is that letting my mind run its course becomes a lot easier when I am not the protagonist, but rather the communicator of a story. As I scanned through the pages of my journal, I became aware of the fluency in the passages dedicated to documenting a humorous spectacle, or my thoughts on politics, the weather, and college. The freedom embedded in those pages severely contrasts the brief and erratic quality of the entries where I attempted to communicate my insecurities, fears and problems. Reminiscing about the struggle of completing those passages and the eagerness I felt hearing the timer, reveals a curious and rather ironic truth: in my personal journal, I overthink the sole topic I should know best and should feel more comfortable with, myself.

            Despite I cannot assess with utter certainty whether this exercise helped me mature nor whether I have left with proper success the awful tendency to overthink, I do believe the writing process has brought me closer to understanding my persona. Yes, when it comes to overthinking and overcomplicating situations, I am a sinner. However, I have learned that I use this mechanism to protect myself from the unknown, from how people may receive or judge my words have my thoughts been set free. I let my insecurities impose intellectual boundaries and pollute my freedom of expression, something I have not come to accept until now. For this reason, I believe the greatest lesson this project has given me is not to be afraid of exploring beyond the comfort provided by guidelines. Throughout the semester, I forced myself to write about myself, even if it resulted in two disastrous, incomplete sentences rather than a concise argument. I forced myself to ignore grammar and spelling, two elements I have wrongfully accused as the source of my overthinking, when really my fear was and has been the one to blame. Although I am not entirely proud of my work, I refuse to label it a failure because those incomplete thoughts and the writing process that accompanied them have certainly paved the way towards building a better relationship with myself and my thoughts.

Works Cited

Me.Me. "Overthinking Memes". https://me.me/t/overthinking?since=1476817654%2C3042798%2C1.000000.
Journal. Dr. Cynthia Pittmann. Puerto Rico, Río Piedras. 15 May. 2017. Class Discussion.